ITT: We act like we are all roommates

Hi, hello? I'm the new roommate. *Gets shot* ugggghh *wakes up* Where am I?
 
*sees blood everywhere*
 

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*robs da bank* Hi, I have enough money now to pay for the gas and electric bills, but can someone buy us a fridge?
 
Alright peoples I have returned. Imma just... *takes the trash bin containing 1950's body outside and burns it* Now that's a little bit better! Also, I'm not doing this because I care about your living situation, *brings in and turns on an air filtering fan* I'm doing this because I know from experience that this smell will find its way into my house.
 
Well, *enters your house*, why are you growing coke in here?
 
*Bleep* I didn't see that. Guess the people who used to live here had some problems too. You can have that if you want. As you can see by the stuff still in my car, I haven't actually entered my new home. Some random dude on the street kinda just gave me the house keys. He looked drunk and I think he had a heart attack and died after I left him. Guess the keys were the only thing keeping him alive. And I took that away. *evil laughter starts and becomes louder* Seriously though, I don't want the drugs.
 
I'll take them off of you
 
*Bleep* Why are there people outside our door? What the Sh*t ZOMBIES? RUN IT'S THE ZOMBIE APOCOLYPSE!
 
(Door to door salesman, Not me) Would you be interested in Buying Grass Blocks, I need the Money... I almost got Fired from Floormart so I have to work harder or I will get fired! Please I have a Wife and... Two Gold fish. Please My Boss isn't a nice guy, His Name is Mr Fluffy!
 
Guys whats 6049545-343746+3374349435+38443+9434-323832+2323728723623932973
 
Nah dude, the answer is 2,323,728,727,003,712,252 (yes I did actually calculate this by hand, see the spoiler if you want to see my work), why are you feeding this guy bad information? Smh

Wait shit, I just gave the answer away!
Yes I'm aware my handwriting is shitty, don't flame me for it.
IMG_1087.jpeg
 
GUYS I NEED A ROOM FOR MY EXPLOSIVE ARSENAL! BUT THE ONLY ROOM LEFT IS SOMEBODY'S SHOE SOLE COLLECTION.
 
Thanks, You never know when you'll need those explosives. I'm an engineer by the way so just tell me if you need to build anything, upgrade any PCs or something.
 
Yeah Probably, also who ate my ice cubes? I was saving them for the cat that likes to hand around my window! :(
 
Well, I found out his mum is a wolf this morning... So that happened! Also I had to go to the hospital, cause the wolf bit my hand off, so can someone find it and bring it to the hospital!
 
So the tests came back from the wolf, and it's not looking pretty. We have concluded that while the wolf wasn't rabid, we did find yersinia pestis in the wolf's blood. We're going to have to have you stay quarantined for a while in case you're infected. Not to worry though that if you do show symptoms we can easily treat you with antibiotics.
 
First, I was in the fricking HOSPITAL, AND NOW I AM QUARANTINING! What's next?! ZOMBIES?!
 
I swear to god... IF I TURN INTO A ZOMBIE LIKE THE GUY NEXT TO ME I WILL ESCAPE FROM THIS PLACE!
 
Yobrojo03 said:
oh no here we go again with this, movies do not make somthing real, how many times do we have to say this 🙄
Click to expand...
I thought the movies was in a week
 
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hey guys I'm back! you wont believe what I saw at work today! Someone turned into a zombie!
 
Bro... Who da hell left the door unlocked last night?! There is some random woman making breakfast in the DAMN KITCHEN!
 
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