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Executive Order 56/26 - Bitterbal Sunday and Tarteletter Thursday
By the authority vested in me by the Redmont Constitution
I, Theory Fontaine, President of the Commonwealth of Redmont, do declare the following under this Executive Order:
I, Theory Fontaine, President of the Commonwealth of Redmont, do declare the following under this Executive Order:
Whereas, a "President may issue and revoke Executive Orders to ensure good governance of the server" (Const. 24(5)), and good governance is not made of statute alone, but also of the small and pleasant customs by which a people knows itself.
Whereas, the President of the Commonwealth is of Dutch extraction, and the Vice President of the Commonwealth is of Danish extraction, and the Executive is therefore in possession of two distinct and irreconcilable opinions on the correct form of a fried snack.
Whereas, the bitterbal, being a sphere of ragout enclosed in breadcrumb and delivered at a temperature slightly beyond human tolerance, has sustained the deliberations of the Dutch for generations.
Whereas, the tartelet, being a shell of puff pastry filled with chicken and asparagus in cream, represents the Danish conviction that a difficult week is best answered with pastry and restraint.
Whereas, the Commonwealth has of late been much occupied with deficits, ledgers, and the pruning of inactive balances, and the morale of the citizenry is a public asset no less real for being unrecorded in the Treasury.
Whereas, no reasonable person can be expected to attend to the fiscal position of the nation on an empty stomach.
Whereas, the President of the Commonwealth is of Dutch extraction, and the Vice President of the Commonwealth is of Danish extraction, and the Executive is therefore in possession of two distinct and irreconcilable opinions on the correct form of a fried snack.
Whereas, the bitterbal, being a sphere of ragout enclosed in breadcrumb and delivered at a temperature slightly beyond human tolerance, has sustained the deliberations of the Dutch for generations.
Whereas, the tartelet, being a shell of puff pastry filled with chicken and asparagus in cream, represents the Danish conviction that a difficult week is best answered with pastry and restraint.
Whereas, the Commonwealth has of late been much occupied with deficits, ledgers, and the pruning of inactive balances, and the morale of the citizenry is a public asset no less real for being unrecorded in the Treasury.
Whereas, no reasonable person can be expected to attend to the fiscal position of the nation on an empty stomach.
Section 1. Purpose
The purpose of this Executive Order is to establish two national days of observance, in recognition of the culinary heritage of the Office of the President and the Office of the Vice President, and to provide the people of Redmont with a lawful and delicious occasion to gather.
Section 2. Bitterbal Sunday
1. Every Sunday is hereby declared Bitterbal Sunday throughout the Commonwealth.
2. Citizens are warmly encouraged to observe Bitterbal Sunday in the company of others, at a table, with a small dish of mustard placed within reach of all parties.
3. The mustard shall be grainy. This is the one point on which the Office of the President regards compromise as unavailable.
Section 3. Tarteletter Thursday
1. Every Thursday is hereby declared Tarteletter Thursday throughout the Commonwealth.
2. Citizens are warmly encouraged to observe Tarteletter Thursday by assembling the pastry shortly before it is eaten, so that the shell may remain crisp and the honour of the Vice Presidency intact.
3. The Office of the Vice President is invited to advise on filling ratios, and its advice shall be treated with the seriousness it will undoubtedly demand.
Section 4. No Obligation
1. Nothing in this Order compels any citizen to eat anything, to enjoy anything, or to hold any particular view on the relative merits of the two dishes.
2. No citizen shall be fined, prosecuted, or thought less of for observing neither day, though the President will privately consider it a missed opportunity.
Section 5. Fiscal Neutrality
1. No funds of the Commonwealth are appropriated by this Order, and no department shall incur expenditure in connection with it.
2. This Order is issued in full consistency with the spending discipline established under Executive Order 55/26, the Treasury having contributed to these festivities precisely nothing.
Section 6. Interpretation
1. Where a Sunday and a Thursday are ever found to fall on the same day, the Department of Commerce shall be consulted, and the matter shall thereafter be quietly dropped.
2. Any dispute as to whether a given item constitutes a bitterbal or a kroket shall be referred to the President, whose decision is final and whose reasoning shall not be published.
Section 7. Implementation
This Executive Order shall take effect immediately upon its signing, and the first observance shall fall on whichever of the two days arrives soonest.
Signed:
Theory Fontaine
30th President of the Commonwealth of Redmont
